Saisho Kara Ima Made
by moondocc
Summary: oneshot It's over.The agent has finally caught the spy. When she reached out to unveil his black mask,the man revealed behind was the boy that haunted her dreams, the boy she had come to love. But everything's over now. Bloodshed is the only option.


**Saisho Kara Ima Made **

**Chu Eum Boo Tu Ji Geum Gga Ji**

"**From Beginning to Now"**

**by moondocc**

**Rated T/Genre Romance/Drama**

Summary

It's over. She's captured him. The agent has finally caught the spy. When she reached out to unveil his black mask, the man revealed behind was the boy that haunted her dreams, the boy that she had come to love. But everything's over now. Everything. Bloodshed is the only option.

One-shot.

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**Saisho Kara Ima Made**

"**From Beginning to Now"**

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"Give up, Ishikaho Mazuki. You have nowhere to go," she whispered darkly, her voice dashing across the frozen room then darting back. The dead, tensed up atmosphere was almost choking, yet she continued pointing the gun at his head, her throat dry, deprived of oxygen.

He merely laughed at her threat. He knew he had no way out. They were stranded in a small room, and the only weapon that ameliorated his situation was a small pocket knife, bestowed upon him by his Master. But none of that mattered now. He knew that this was the end. She had finally trapped him like she vowed to. The agent has finally caught the spy.

"Turn around, Mazuki. And raise your hands in the air," she hissed in caution, the gun still pointing in his direction. She had been on his chase for years. Four years, to be exact. She had spent countless hours in her office tracking his movements, stalking his un-patterned journeys, and now, now is her turn. Now is her turn to take down the spy who caused the downfall of her country, whose conspiracy unraveled a thread of insurgence and rebellions among her people, whose conspiracy untangled uncalled-for civil wars. He was to blame. He was the one who had caused her downfall. _Him. _Him alone. She could taste her hatred for him.

He knew this. He knew this perfectly. He knew that he was nearing the last moments of his life. He knew that as soon as she lifts the mysterious black mask that masqueraded his face that she would lift the gun and shoot him. He knew that the conspiracy was about to fade into a conclusion, he knew. And yet, he wished that he had not escaped that night, that fateful night that led him into the dungeon of the Patriots, so that he had to face _her_, one-on-one.

She closed their distance, step by step, her gun still guarding her fragile self, her somatic body tired from the twelve-hour chase. She observed the back of his head—his dark chocolate hair tied up with a tightly-knotted black kerchief that she knew covered everything but his eyes. He tightened his grip on the pocket-knife in his fist.

Then, quick as lightning, she jumped on him and ripped off his kerchief from his head and coerced him into turning around. Her gun pointed to his back.

"Why should I?" he answered to her actions calmly.

"Your face. I need to see your face." She said plainly, her voice devoid of any emotion.

"Why?" his back was still turned against hers. She knew he was staring out the tiny window crept against the solid, thick wall, gazing at the heaven he was never going to belong to.

"Are you truly Ishikaho Mazuki?" She asked. She observed the black kerchief wrinkled in her hands and stared at the white initials with a weak gleam of moonlight. IM. IM for Ishikaho Mazuki. This _has_ to be him. This _has_ to be the famous spy. The one recalled in recent tales of history. The _traitor_.

"I am." He swayed sideways so that she could see one of his eyes. It was emotionless, just like hers; even in the moments before his death she saw no fear in his eyes. She sensed none either. He must be brave.

She clicked the gun and needled it against his waist with a harsh push. The force was so surprising that even he let out an involuntary groan of sudden pain. "Turn around," she commanded.

He froze, as still as a statue, his body still turned sideways. His long bangs fell across his eyes, hiding the emotions sketched behind his dark orbs. The moon shined dimly across the window, bequeathing a slant of light at the spy whose heart began to race.

Deciding that Mazuki was never going to turn around and face her, the agent resumed to another idea. She traced her gun around Mazuki's waist and pulled it to his front stomach so that she looked at him directly in the eye. His kerchief was still clutched tightly in her hands—it was an important piece of evidence, and his hand was still clutching tightly the pocket-knife that edged her stomach.

She saw his face, bare, as clear as day.

It was then that she dropped the gun and the kerchief, both at the same time as a gasp escaped from her mouth. The gun fell to the floor with a click, and the kerchief flowed across the small room with a graceful landing.

"Mazuki?" she whispered. She studied him closely and narrowed their distance, looking into his eyes, searching for a definite answer. He looked right back at her. His hand paused between his body and her heart, just for a second.

"You're not Ishikaho Mazuki, are you?" She asked, her voice rising with a pining anxiety. She grabbed his arms and pushed him back and forth, shaking him like a child shaking her Christmas present—"You're Syaoran Li, aren't you?"

This very second, as recognition took hold of her, he pushed her away violently, with such a dramatic force that she fell to the ground with a thud. Taking advantage of this situation, he picked up the gun that had dropped to the floor and tipped it to her position on the dirty, raggedy floor instead.

"All this time," she laughed coldly, "it was _you_ who had betrayed us. Betrayed _me._"

"Don't say it like it's my fault," her aggressor warned, "I didn't choose it."

She snorted with a sense of triumph. "Didn't? Sure you didn't. All that time. I thought you were dead," she stopped for a moment and wiped her mouth. She felt tears banging against her eyelids, but she swallowed—some kind of weird chain reaction that stopped her droplets of silver from rolling out. "But you're here, alive and well. I guess I was worried for no reason."

He said nothing. No denial, no conformation. He sighed and laid himself down against the wall, the gun still within a good range of her forehead. She knew he had accurate aim. He had always had accurate aim, even two hundred feet away. She knew what kind of cold prince he was, and that he would kill anyone with the drop of a hat, no questions asked.

But she had never thought…never thought…that underneath the veil of the black kerchief, shadowed by black shreds of miserable clouds, was the face of the man who had haunted her for the past four years. The man she had come to love. The man she had come to wish that she was fucking dead, just to join him in his heaven. The man who had left her broken, alone, desolated.

The man called…

Syaoran Li.

Four Years Ago.

The same dark-chocolate-haired man, fast backward four years, was an innocently built boy whose hair was the color of chestnut shells, and whose eyes entertained the most precious stone of amber. The boy called Syaoran Li sat on the roof of a one-story house, gazing at the starry night that filled with dreams and hopes too big for him to embrace. He often dreamed about his future, about his life as an agent for the Patriots, fighting for the cause he believed in; about his life as the star of the crop, the one most admired, most trusted by the Leader; about his life as a husband, a father, a grandfather with the progression of the hourglass… about his life with an emerald-eyed girl who completely bewitched him, body, mind, and soul.

"Syaoran!" A tiny voice jingled from afar. A girl with dark auburn hair had climbed the ladder to the roof and frowned at him with a pouted mouth. "Get down from there! You're making me worried!"

Syaoran felt his heart began to fall out of its rhythmic pattern as he spun around and caught the sight of girl of his dreams. He instantly laughed at how ridiculous she looked, with her arms waving in the air, gesturing for him to climb down. "Come on, Syaoran! I can't wait for you all night!"

"Why not? What's so special about tonight?" he asked playfully, out of amusement.

Sakura glanced at him in disbelief. "I can't believe you! You're so stupid, Syaoran! When are you going to become a man and prove yourself to me? Hmm? You're not even good enough for me!"

Syaoran remarked nothing to this. He knew that her words were true. All these years of training and he was still behind his beloved. It really wasn't his fault that he was a little bit slow. He tried. He really did. He practiced day and night and day and night until the difference between day and night became a mere line separating the lives of normal people, until the meaning of day and night became a mere blur, and that night was just as good as day, synonymous to day.

His lover carried on, arms still brandishing impatiently. "How can you not remember that tonight is the night when we first—arggghhhhh!"

Syaoran immediately stood up at the muting of her scream. Sakura Kinomoto had suddenly disappeared and the sound of a thud had thus emerged. He ran to the edge of the roof and glanced down. Sakura had fallen off the ladder while waving her arms at him in anger. She lay on the ground—soundless, motionless, stationary.

Syaoran's heart drummed as he called out, "Sakura! Sakura! Are you alright?" while climbing down the ladder within a span of a mere three seconds. He jumped to the grassy ground with ten steps more to step, and although he thought he injured his ankle as he landed, Syaoran barely paid heed to it and limped towards Sakura. His arms hugged her head as if she were a precious jewel. _His_ jewel.

"Sakura, Sakura, are you okay!" He murmured impatiently, shaking her gently like a babe. She gave him no response. Her eyes were closed, her face so beautiful that she looked as if angels were coming to receive her. Syaoran laid his head against hers and rocked it, breathing onto her face. Sad words of regret rolled off his mouth, "Sakura, please don't die. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please."

Miraculously, Sakura opened her eyes with a struggled effort and groaned. She twisted her neck a little bit and gazed up at Syaoran, whose relieved expression lodged a soft, apologetic smile.

"I'm sorry," Syaoran whispered softly into her ear, so gently that when his lips brushed against her cheek, she blushed. "Sakura. I didn't forget what today is." He told her quietly, sat her up in his arms, and rubbed her head against his chest. "How could I?"

Sakura giggled as Syaoran leaned in and crushed her lips with a tender kiss and then pulled her bangs away from her forehead. "You scared me, Sakura. Don't ever do that again."

"What, you thought I was going to die?" She poked playfully.

Syaoran's expression darkened. "That wasn't funny, Sakura."

Sakura gave him an innocent look.

"If you were to die," Syaoran paused, thinking hard, "if you had really died, I wouldn't know what to do."

Sakura gazed into his eyes. "If you had really died, Sakura, I don't know how to live happily without you." He said sincerely, his eyes gazing at her emerald orbs. The moon was bright that night, but the light was weak, as if housing secrets too dangerous to spill out.

"You don't care if I'm going to die or not," Sakura laughed and tickled him. To her surprise, Syaoran didn't break out in laughter. His face suddenly grew weary and serious.

"If I knew you were going to die, I would have done anything for you. Anything." He kissed her forehead. "If I knew you were going to die, I'd make your last moment on earth last forever."

He kissed her cheek. "I'd take you to the Eiffel Tower in Paris, your favorite city, and I'd make sure you have the most romantic dinner in your life."

He carried on with her eyelids. "I'd fill your room with hundreds of roses, the yellow ones, so that even in death, you may carry the scent of something as beautiful as that with you."

He cupped his hands on her cheeks and forced her eyes to look into his, so that she knew that he was serious. "If you were to die, I'd make sure I'll carry you through Penguin Park and ride all those crazy rides with you, eat all that ice cream with you, win all those stuffed animals for you. If you were to die, I'd beat up every single person in the world who has ever hurt you. I'd protect you with my life. I'll protect you with everything I own, everything I have, everything I can give. And I know that's not going to be enough…which is why…"

He smiled a little. "…I'm going to prove myself. I'm going to prove myself to you, you just wait. Someday I'll be compatible for you, someday I'll truly fit into that shiny armor, become that knight, and take you for a ride on my white stallion. I'll prove myself, just for you."

Sakura looked at him with doubt, but he continued breathlessly. "If I knew you were going to die, Sakura, I'd cut out my own heart for you. I'd cut it out so that you can have it. So that you could live, Sakura. Because I sure as _hell_ can't live without you."

For a moment their eyes locked together, a force so strong that it was seconds before he pulled his eyes away out of embarrassment.

Sakura's lips curled into a smile. She pulled Syaoran's face closer to hers and met his hot lips with a bliss she wasn't aware that she could possess. That was the night that they had first kissed. Exactly one year ago, under the stars, the moon, the heavens. And this was the night that she fell in love. It wasn't magical. There weren't fireworks shooting off in the night sky. And there definitely wasn't a dramatic orchestra playing Tchaikovsky, fulfilling the background with romance.

What Sakura realized was, in that moment, that precise moment, that she could feel her heart melt into one with his, a bond as strong as steel, that she was sure even death could not kill their flame.

That night faded into eternal bliss. It was years later that Sakura looked back on this night with a sense of nostalgia, reminiscence, regret—almost, because she could never relive that night again. For the next four years, Sakura tried to stay strong on the sole memory of that very night.

The next day, Syaoran limped away without a trace. Words spread that he was killed on an assignment, but the lack of a corpse suggested that he could still be alive, somewhere out there. She refused to believe his death, at first. She clung to the scent of his hair and the smell of his mouth and the warmth of his body like a child with her teddy bear. She clung to his memory like a ghost.

The words, _his _words of that night, kept repeating in her mind. They played over and over again like a magical music box, except every time it plays, she lost a little more of his scent. The boy she had come to love disappeared. She was gradually beginning to lose hope of his existence with the passage of every literal second.

Then, it hit her like a rock. She had realized, finally, one day, that he was out of her life forever, and that life was so unfair. **He was dead**. And she was forced to accept it.

And now she's built a wall...to never get torn again.

_ I just cant understand the ways  
Of all the men and their mistakes,   
You give them all your heart   
And then they rip it all away... _

_You told me how much you loved me,   
And how our love was meant to be.   
And I believed in you,   
I thought that you would set me free..._

_You shouldve just told me the truth,   
That I wasnt the girl for you...   
Still I didnt have a clue,   
So my heart depended on you...Whoah _

_Although I'll say I hate you now,   
Though I'll shout and curse you out...   
Ill always have love for you,   
Because I am a girl. _

_Been told a man will leave you cold,   
Get sick of you and bored...   
I know that its no lie,   
I gave my all still I just cry. _

_Never again will I be fooled,   
To give my all when nothings true...   
I wont be played again,   
But I will fall in love again... _

_You shouldve just told me the truth,   
That I wasnt the girl for you...   
Still I didnt have a clue,   
So my heart depended on you...Whoah _

_Although I'll say I hate you now,   
Though I'll shout and curse you out...   
Ill always have love for you,   
Because I am a girl. _

_I loved you so...   
Now you leave me in the cold,   
How could this be?   
I thought that youd only love me... _

_Into the night,   
I will pray that youre all right.   
You hurt me so,   
I just cant let you go ---_

_You took advantage of my   
willingness,   
To do anything for love.   
Now I'm the only one in pain...   
Will you please take it all away… Oh _

_Never thought born being a girl,   
How I can love you and be burned...   
** And now I will build a wall,   
To never get torn again.**_

_Although I'll say I hate you now,   
Though I'll shout and curse you out...   
Ill always have love for you,   
Because I am a girl. _

_Although I'll say I hate you now,   
Though I'll shout and curse you out...   
Ill always have love for you,   
Because I am… a girl._

Present time.

"Why did you leave?" she asked quietly.

He leaned against the wall, his eyes under the protection of his long, uncut bangs. His face felt free for the first time in a long time as a string of wind glided across the dungeon and hit his naked face like ice. The last time he was unmasked was…ahh...four years ago.

"I wanted to prove myself." He answered simply, as calmly as he could. He stole a glance in her direction. His heart was beginning to pound faster in the presence of her physical body. He felt like crawling over to her and holding her in his arms and apologizing over and over again for pushing her to the ground and threatening her life with a gun.

"By joining the dark side? The conspiracy?" her questions intensified.

He gave no answer.

A moment passed with neither offering any speech. Then she opened her mouth, "Did you know all along? That it was me, who was chasing after you?"

Syaoran glanced her way. Their eyes met for a second before she quickly moved her orbs somewhere else. "Yes."

Her head nodded slowly. "You left me." That was all she had to say.

Syaoran looked down at his feet. His gun was no longer pointing at her, but abandoned peacefully down to his side.

"You ruined our country." She spat defensively.

"I had my reasons."

"And what are they?" she asked sarcastically, her eyes demanding an honest answer.

To her surprise, his eyes instantly flew with anger. "Why do you have to know every thing that I do?" She scoffed angrily at his reply, "I _don't_! I don't want to have anything to do with you!"

"Then why have you been chasing after me for the past four years?"

Sakura raised her eyebrow. "Hmph, you're still as worthless as you used to be, aren't you, Syaoran? How was I supposed to know that Ishikaho Mazuki was Syaoran Li?"

"Was it that hard to figure it out?" he inquired hotly as he glanced across the room. He found the black kerchief on the ground. "Was it that difficult to tell with that piece of fucking cloth?"

"What do you think?" she said in oblivion.

A few minutes passed.

"You left me, Syaoran," she repeated like a robot, "I thought you were dead. I thought I had lost you. You left me out cold. Alone. Broken."

Syaoran peered over. She talked to herself, her head drooping on the ground. "I thought about you day and night. I thought about the scent of your hair, the smell of your mouth, the curve of your smile, the warmth of your body…"

"You're like a ghost. You've been haunting me for the past four years. Did you know that, Syaoran?" She glanced up with defiance, then put her gaze down in defeat. "I didn't know what to do at night, when I was alone, with no one in the house. It's as if I was living in purgatory, as some sort of freakish punishment, without you, there, with me."

"I wish you never left. Whatever your reasons are, I just wish you never left," Sakura whispered monotonously, "because then I wouldn't have to kill you now."

She stood up. It took her all the strength she owned to breathe her next words. "Everything's over, Syaoran Li. I win. You lose."

He stood up too. The moon was distant, far away, isolated. Yet the coldness of it did nothing to alleviate the tension inside this dark cell. "You're trapped, Li, and you'll be die for betraying your own country."

She pulled out a backup gun from her pocket and pointed it at him. She could no longer hold back her tears. They rolled down one by one, the only sympathizing, regretful substance on her otherwise cold exterior.

"I'm sorry for doing this, Syaoran. I'd hate myself for doing this, I already do. I'm so sorry, please forgive me, Syaoran; it's either you or me."

But Sakura couldn't do it; she couldn't bring herself to shoot the man she loves. She dropped herself to the ground so that her arms hugged her knees, no longer having any strength to stand up and face her enemy.

Syaoran walked over to a shivering Sakura. He held her hand in his. Then he lifted her chin and bid her eyes to gaze into his own amber pool.

"I forgive you, Sakura." He smiled and leaned in. He forced his lips on hers and crushed the lips of his dreams with a hunger that he didn't know he was capable of. She kissed him back, equally as strong, as she pulled his head in and tasted his tongue. She smelt his hair. It was the same fragrance that she had remembered from four years ago. Wild sunflowers. As wild as his ambitions.

They stood as one for a moment... then he broke away and put the gun back into her hand, the mouth facing his heart.

With one finger, Syaoran pulled the trigger.

A gunshot fired into the silent night; smoke evoked from its hot tip before its owner's shivering hands dropped it to the ground, the cruel sound of its meeting with the floor shook the earth with a vital string of tears.

"No! Syaoran!" Sakura gasped in horror as Syaoran widened his eyes from the blast and choked out blood. His hand clutched to his chest as he dropped himself slowly to the ground. Sakura clasped her hands on her mouth as tears of regret rolled out of her eyes. The wound from the gunfire was bleeding quickly, his black shirt beginning to stain with a maroon liquid pouring from his heart.

"Syaoran!" She screamed, "No, no, no, no, no, no, no, NO! This can't be happening," Sakura took a look at Syaoran and cupped her face with shaking hands. "No...Why are you so goddamn _stupid_?" She sobbed as she moved him against the wall. His eyes gazed into hers with a generous glance.

"It's either you or me, right?" He had a sheepish smile on his face, "I choose…me."

Sakura put her hand on his wound and pressed it hard so that no blood would pour out. Her lips still tasted of him. It tasted of fresh tangerines.

"Why did you leave me?" She cried in between sobs, "why did you join the Conspiracy?" she cried louder as she reached her other hand to feel his palm, clutching it tightly in hers. "If you stayed with me, Syaoran, none of this would have happened. I wouldn't have yelled at you, I wouldn't have chased you, I wouldn't have threatened you, I wouldn't have to point a gun at you…" she broke down, her eyes filled with tears of regret.

"Why! Why, Syaoran? Why are you so fucking _stupid_?" Sakura cried out and hugged his neck. "I loved you, you idiot! I loved you so much!"

She couldn't stop crying. The pain was just too great. The fear that Syaoran would slip away any moment scared her so much that she wanted to rip out her intestines and twist them around her own neck.

"Goddamnit, Syaoran! I _still_ love you! Why did you have to take it all away?" She took a moment to calm herself down, "We were forever…"

Syaoran's forgiving smile never faded. He took out his hand and held it up to Sakura's face, slowly wiping her tears away. "We _are_ forever, you idiot."

Sakura watched him with a soft grace. Then she dove in and kissed his lips gently, softly, but hungrily. She quickly broke away and put her hands on his cheeks and looked at him straight in the eye.

She took a deep breath. "If I knew you were going to die, I would have done anything for you. Anything," she began quoting his words from that fateful night of four years ago.

"If I knew you were going to die, I'd make your last moment on earth last forever. I'd take you to the Eiffel Tower in Paris and I'd make sure that you have the most romantic dinner in your life."

She stopped, wiped her tears, and gave her dying a lover an encouraging smile. She felt Syaoran's forehead. His forehead was cold, almost as cold as ice. She took off her jacket and laid it on top of him, one hand still pressing against his bleeding wound.

"I'd fill your room with hundreds of wild sunflowers, the yellow ones, so that even in death, you may carry the scent of something as beautiful as that with you. If you were to die, I'd make sure I'll drag you with me through Penguin Park and ride all those crazy rides with you, eat all that ice cream with you, win all those stuffed animals for you…" Sakura couldn't continue anymore. She looked at Syaoran with eyes of hatred for herself and wiped her nonstop tears.

"If you were to die," Syaoran continued for her, a wider smile on his face now, "I'd beat up every single person in the world who has ever hurt you. I'd protect you with my life. I'll protect you with everything I own, everything I have, everything I can give. **If I knew you were going to die, Sakura, I'd cut out my own heart for you. I'd cut it out so that you can have it. So that you could live, Sakura. Because I sure as hell can't live without you.**" He finished with a boyish grin and pushed her forehead against his lips. The soft texture of his lips crushed against her skin was the last touch that Sakura ever had of Syaoran.

He left her with that stupid, fucking, beautiful, amazing, magnificent smile.

The blood from his heart formed a tiny puddle on the stone-cold floor as Sakura gently closed Syaoran's eyelids for him. The sun was rising, it's bright rays pouring through the open window crounched against the wall. Soft rays of beauty painted his serene face with a glorious hue that made Syaoran appear as if he were merely sleeping.

Sakura laid beside the corpse of her lover."You gave up your life for me, Syaoran, so that I could live. You kept your words..." She whispered to herself. Her mind was delusional, her head was dizzy; she had lost her sense of direction. She placed her head atop Syaoran's chest and held his hand in hers, measuring the length of their fingers and the contour of their bodies against one another.

* * *

"Dan…?" a few hours later, she spoke on her cell phone. Her voice was raspy. She didn't exactly feel like speaking. 

"Is the job done?" The man called "Dan" requested.

"Yes." Sakura muttered quietly and hung up. She felt tears forming at the back of her tear ducts again. She couldn't speak normally. She fell to the ground again. But duty was calling. And duty entails her searching the pockets of her beloved for any information concerning the conspiracy.

What she found was not what she had intended to find. It was a letter. A letter addressed to her, Sakura Kinomoto, dated just a few months back.

He had anticipated his end.

_To: Sakura Kinomoto  
From: Ishikaho Mazuki  
_

_Dear Sakura,_

_No matter what happened to me when you read this letter, just know that I forgive you for every thing that you do. I trust you, I believe you, I am you. _

_I know the answer to everything that I am started four years ago, on the night of the anniversary of our first kiss. You've always said that I wasn't good enough for you or I wasn't smart enough or not skilled enough to beat up all the bullies who once thought you were weird because you had "agent" powers and they didn't. I was never really good at agent-training. But when the opposing side had given me an opportunity to hone my skills and become a great leader, I took it. _

_I know it wasn't the right thing to do. I know that you would never approve of my decisions. _I _didn't approve of my decisions. But it was the only way that I'd ever be anywhere near the top of the pyramid. And I wanted to be at the top. At the top so I could match you. _

_The only way to prove myself, I think, and to prove myself worthy of such an angel like you, is to rise to the top. And I know there's no chance that I'd rise to the top with the Patriots, so I chose the _other_ side._

_I know there is a chance that we'd never be together again. Never sit on the roof and gaze into the heavens, the heavens that I will never enter; never whisper love words to each other; never having you blush whenever I'm around, or having me blush whenever you're around. But it was the _only_ way. You must understand, Sakura, that joining the Conspiracy was the _only_ way that I could become the best, even if that means I carry the burden of being discovered as a traitor, a spy._

_I know it's a corrupted decision. _

_**But, reminiscent of my promises—I'm going to prove myself. I'm going to prove myself to you. Someday I'll be compatible for you; someday I'll truly fit into that shiny armor, become that knight, and take you for a ride on my white stallion. I'll prove myself, just for you.**_

_Though I thought for months before stepping up to the offer, I never regretted it. I _wanted_ to show you how good I am, how great I am now. And now I know. I know I'm great. I am the Leader's right-hand man, a perfect match for you._

_I'm sorry if my decision hurt you or broke you or angered you. _

_It was all for you, Sakura. Everything I do, everything I am, everything I stand for…all for you. I hope one day you understand this, Sakura, because **I **_**have proved_ myself worthy of you_**_, worthy of your love. One day in the near future, even if it means I have to give up my life trying to prove my love for you. _

_You are me. You are my life. You. Complete. Me. _

_Anything you do, Sakura, I forgive you._

_I promise. And that is our beginning to now. _

_I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. i'm sorry of my decisions. I'm also sorry that I never said "I love you" in person. I'm not that much of a sweet-talker… _

_So here I go… I love you, Sakura. Saranghae. Wo ai ni. I think about you day and night. I'm so glad that I've met a person like you… so beautiful, so innocent, so understanding… I hope that I will never be forgotten, Sakura. Saisho kara ima made. This is our beginning to now._

_Syaoran._

_记得，我是永远爱你的。  
(remember, I will have always loved you.)_

* * *

_nae ge ol soo ups eul gu ra go i jen geu rul soo ups da go  
je bal geu man ha ra go na reul dal rae ji_

I won't return anymore, I can't return  
"This is the end," I softly murmur

_jung mal ij u bu ri go ship u da shin bol soo ups da myun  
na reul jap go iss neun nu uy mo deun gul_

If we can't meet again, I really want to forget  
all of the thoughts that overflow

_nae ga oos go ship eul ddae ma da nun na reul ool u bu ri ge man deu ni gga  
u neu gus ha na do na uy ddeus dae ro nun hal soo ups ge man deu neun gul  
_

When you want to smile, I always make you cry  
and then my heart starts to stir

_ni ga ool go ship eul ddae ma da nan i ruh ge moo nu jyu bu ri go ma ni gga  
a moo ri ij eu ryu go ae reul ssu do ij eul soo ups ge ha ni gga_

Every time I think I want to see you, I'm hurt into pieces  
Let's forget, I want to forget, I can't forget _  
_

_jung mal ij u bu ri go ship u da shin bol soo ups da myun  
na reul jap go iss neun nu uy mo deun gul_

If we can't meet again, I really want to forget  
all of the thoughts that overflow_  
_

_nae ga oos go ship eul ddae ma da nun na reul ool u bu ri ge man deu ni gga  
u neu gus ha na do na uy ddeus dae ro nun hal soo ups ge man deu neun gul_

If we can't meet again, I really want to forget  
all of the thoughts that overflow

_ni ga bo go ship eul ddae ma da nan i ruh ge moo nu jyu bu ri go ma ni gga  
a moo ri ij eu ryu go ae reul ssu do ij eul soo ups ge ha ni gga_

Every time I think I want to see you, I'm hurt into pieces Let's forget, I want to forget, I can't forget

_dan han sa ram eul sa rang ha neun ge i to rog him deun il in jool nan jung mal__ mol rass u_

I didn't know that love was so painful

_  
nae ga oos go ship eul ddae ma da nun na reul ool u bu ri ge man deu ni gga  
u neu gus ha na do na uy ddeus dae ro nun hal soo ups ge man deu neun gul  
_

When you want to smile, I always make you cry  
and then my heart starts to stir

_ni ga ool go ship eul ddae ma da nan i ruh ge moo nu jyu bu ri go ma ni gga  
a moo ri ij eu ryu go ae reul ssu do ij eul soo ups ge ha ni gga_

Every time I think I want to see you, I'm hurt into pieces  
Let's forget, I want to forget, **I can't forget...**

* * *

Fin. 

a/n: sigh. Another romance tragedy that began with a bad decision. It's a corrupted love, I know, and Syaoran was stupid to go to the other side, because Sakura would have stuck with him through thick & thin. She didn't know the effect of her words and how it would affect her whole life. I hope you guys really enjoyed reading this story, because I sure enjoyed writing it.

Please review. It means a great deal to me. Since I really, really like this plot, I would really like to know what you think!

Thank you so much!

The title "Saisho Kara Ima Made" is taken from a song by Korean singer/actor Ryu Si-Won from the theme of _Winter Sonata. _You guys need to hear it, it's absolutely beautiful. I have attached a link to it in my profile, if you want to listen. Oh, and i'm not sure if the lyrics to the words are right.. if anyone can point out the correct form that would be wonderful. And also, the other song used is Kiss's "Because I'm a Girl" (Eng. version). I have also attached a link in my profile. Go and listen! They're both wonderful songs:D

Again, thank you for reading this story! If you read it all the way to the end, wow. It's 10 pages, and I'm even too lazy to read it again (my revise added 3 more pages, isn't that amazing?). Anyway, PLEASE REVIEW!


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